Dear 2012.

I have a lot of wishes, and i wish a lot. Some of my wishes do come true, and the rest, unfulfilled. I lose nothing from unfulfilled wishes... It,s just the thoughts that failed, dream that just can't come true. Effortless.


I plan things, and i planned for weeks, months, years in advance. It is easy to plan things on your own, because you know exactly what you want, where you will be. But when planning involve person other than yourself, it seems a little bit uncertain. It involves compromise, promises and hope that it's going to happen. And what i know is, Plan isn't like a wish, at all. It is kind of frustrating when efforts you put in your plan, went into the drain.


I didnt wish to be alone, not just tonight - but for the rest of my life. But that's just a wish, and wish might be unfulfilled because, that's how it is.


I didnt plan to sit, watching the fireworks alone either. In stranger's land - no friends or familiar voices wishing me happy new year. No familiar faces around me to welcome this very new year... I'm all alone as far as i can remember...and i can't believe i am able to arrive into this phase - beyond lonesome, beyond emptiness, tonight, welcoming the new beginning of 2012.


Dear 2012, i welcome you with tears and loneliness, not because i'm leaving 2011 and its memories...but i just come to realize that i'm watching beautiful fireworks tonight just to celebrate the cracks within me is about to shatter.


....and as when the glitters in the skies subsides, i look upon dark, hollow skies and i wish.... I wish i will never felt this way again, ever.

'there are those among us who are blessed with the power to save what is loved by another. But powerless to use this blessing for love themselves'