Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Take me as I am.

Dear Diary,
Nobody teaches me how to live this life but experience. Every road and life episode that I went through has taught me what is real and what is meant only just for a dream. I laughed when life showed me foolishness, I cried when reality hit me so bad, I fell one two many times but I got up on my own two feet and keep on walking. That is how I got my lesson in life.
Coming from a broken background made me appeared broken. I lived my life in camouflage just to survive people’s judgment and perception. But one thing I know that life is isn’t just about fulfilling expectation of others. How could you possibly satisfy other’s if you are one hollow soul. But only God knows, I do try to seal every crack in me so that I appear as a sensible person enough as to stand side by side with others.
I understand every mistake has its correction, but some mistake are meant to stay as a mistake, too, so that it can tells other people “so, this is the face of mistake, this is how mistake looks like”. That is why heaven & hell was created for. 


“Excellence” comes in a different shape and form of how others defines it or catch it in a glimpse, it didn’t lies solely on how you dress, how you talk, how you move or how you color your hair. As an ordinary person, I don’t feel the need to please everybody so that I am accepted. God knows, I do have many flaws and I am not afraid to show it, I made mistake so that I can learn from it, I want to live my life as wild and free as I can be because it content me.
Don’t love me too fast because you might hate me, and don’t hate me too soon because I might be the only one who would never judge you in whatever you do.
Don’t tell me what to do, because I don’t want to break your heart if I unable to follow. But you should know that I do the untold with all my heart till I left you with no question.
Don’t put any expectation onto me because it’s too difficult for someone like me to reach it with nothingness in me and I don’t want to put you on shame because I unable to make you proud. If you feel like I am such an embarrassment, just erase me like a coffee stain on your sleeve. I can understand.
..and don’t compare me with something fine because I am still far from being good.
Take me as I am. Please.

bfly
“Just like the butterfly, I too, will awaken in my own time”

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Sunday, 13 February 2011

Love Letter.

love

Yea, basically I received that amount of love letters, everyday, in Farmville. Get a life.

The truth is, I never had one. Although my ex boyfriend was very romantic enough, but he never wrote me any. But he did sent me tonnes of sweet, cute short text messages everyday, without failed. Maybe if I compile all of his for the past 4.5 years, it could turn into a love letter. But I couldn’t bring myself to retrieve all his texts inside my phone inbox. I will definitely cry.

 

I guess love letter best written when you are in a long distance relationship. When you are missing someone too long, plus the unbearable horny feeling of not getting it, makes your brain tends to get creative, especially for MALE. And it is no surprise that the best, most famous love letters wrote by a male. Anyway, too bad that we are living in 21st century, where, there is always skype and webcam, makes everything become very easy and ‘quickie’. Heh. So for those who still getting a love letter from your lover, I very envy you.

 

I came across this site, where all the epic written love letters were compiled. I fell in love instantly and it made me (almost) drop my tears just by reading it. That’s what words of love can do. Words of love can soothes your wry feelings, erase your doubt, strengthen your fidelity and so much more if you could notice. Too bad, male nowadays refused to go back to the simple eighteenth century to please their lady and they choose to deal with 1001 questions & get seriously investigated by their partner until their ears sore, or worst, bleed. Foolish. I didn’t say that these men (who wrote these epic love letter) were very loyal & faithful lovers though, they were already too horny at the moment they writing it. Maybe they went straight to some brothel house right after they finished writing these. They are MALE situated very far from their woman’s sight for God sake. But well, this is one of a very brilliant manly man way of getting out from being questioned & investigated on their move, remember? Hello? Geddit?

 

Here are some of my favorite;

 

“I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil.

Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!

Yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire?

Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.”

by: Napoleon Bonaparte

 

“My angel, my all, my very self

We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life -

If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these.

My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all –Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours.

Ah, wherever I am, there you are also –

Much as you love me - I love you more –

Oh God - so near! so far!

Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?

my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us -

I can live only wholly with you or not at all –

No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -

Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.

Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -

Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.

Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine

ever mine

ever ours

Your faithful Ludwig”

by: Ludwig von Beethoven

“My adorable and adored

I have been asking myself every moment if such happiness is not a dream.

It seems to me that what I feel is not of earth. I cannot yet comprehend this cloudless heaven.

My whole soul is yours.

My Adele, why is there no word for this but joy? Is it because there is no power in human speech to express such happiness?sometimes I tremble lest I should suddenly awaken from this dream divine.

Oh, now you are mine! At last you are mine! Soon -- in a few months, perhaps, my angel will sleep in my arms, will awaken in my arms, will live there.

All your thoughts at all moments, all your looks will be for me; all my thoughts, all my moments, all my looks, will be for you!

Adieu, my angel, my beloved Adele! Adieu!

Still I am far from you, but I can dream of you.

Soon perhaps you will be at my side.

Adieu; pardon the delirium of your husband who embraces you, and who adores you, both for this life and another.”

by: Victor Hugo

“In that word, beautiful in all languages, but most so in yours--Amor mio--is comprised my existence here and hereafter.

I feel I exist here, and I feel I shall exist hereafter,--to what purpose you will decide; my destiny rests with you,

But I more than love you, and cannot cease to love you.

Think of me, sometimes, when the Alps and ocean divide us,--but they never will, unless you wish it.”

by: George Gordon Lord Byron

“I can't help loving you more than is good for me; I shall feel all the happier when I see you again.

I am always conscious of my nearness to you, your presence never leaves me.

Adieu, you whom I love a thousand times.”

by: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

After reading this, you can ask your self – have YOU ever been in love this deep?

I did. and I deeply missing it now.

….but for today, I put this song on replay.

 

…and this song goes out to all depression slug who currently reading this.

 

Happy Heart Day, love.lovecat

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Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Life’s a Party.

“Someone said life is a party. You join in after it’s started and leave before it’s finished”

Ella Bday

But it work backward when it comes to office. I always reached after everybody’s started and leave 2nd last...eh, apa pulak.. it was exactly what it is!!! arggh. It applies to my working life very damn well. I know it sounds very bad, but once I started get my hands on the computer, emails & papers, I don’t even have time for a loo. Fully occupied & stressed. That’s how I stay in shape. The result will be tripled if you sit in Finance department. Guaranteed.

 

Forget about work. it will surely end the day we die. Was at my girlfriend’s birthday(s) within a week and I feel like I am a partyholic. Dang, how they did every weekends and ladies night? Don’t ask me. I can’t and I won’t. Ah, I think I’m too old. Anyway, here I am, just the right time to let my hair down.

 

ella bday1

The theme was black & white with little bit of red, or black or white plus red, or black, blue and white and birthday girl got to wear a tad of red.. arggh, I can’t figure it out though because one of us turned up with dark blue.

ella bday2

Surprisingly I looks good in white. Heh. I think everybody’s looks good in white. I swear big time in September last year that I will never came to this place again – the sound system’s suck, the crowd is lame, all they played was rock, rock, rock. There was no sound of Jamie Foxx or Usher here. But for a friend, I willing to make it happen even if it’s a dump site.

ella bday3

What I tell you? It was rock, rock, rock :( But I was enjoying taking pictures though :)

ella bday4

It’s so colorful!

ella bday5

..and she got surprise stage glam blowout candles for the night~! Glam babe, glam! Haha.

ella bday6

..and urgghh.. I have to wake up early for work next Monday morning! This is very unusual for me, I definitely turned down any party invitation on Sunday night. But for a friend, everything is possible!

 

Next 3 days, we were at BBC (Borneo Barok Club) for another birthday celebration.

Nik Bday 023

I never been here before, but it is a cozy, pretty club. Vast car park area at RM7.00 per entry (yea, that’s all I care) It has big chandelier hanging above the dance floor, walls were adorned with black curtains and bamboo. It’s not any better than Sultan @ Mandarin Oriental, but the posh concept is there. You able to sit down & chat, not too noisy before the live band performs, it just, since it was held on the CNY eve, the club management acting like Beruk a bit lah. It made one or two guests left before they manage to enter the club! So exclusive is it…

Nik Bday 005

They played a couple of R&B, so, they got my attention.

Nik Bday 034

Hotties with cupcakes. My friend was so bad. She told me she bought only 8 cupcakes just for us. Lucky she didn’t put the sign like “this cupcakes only for 6 of us. The rest of you eat that big square chocolate cake. TQ” Memang tak ikhlas sungguh. But she did bought it extra like 8. yea. It is obvious the theme was red & black, or red and black with a little bit of white and jeans.. uh, anything lo.

Nik Bday 035

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance”

As quoted at the beginning of the post, I did left early, before the party ended. My eyes hurts so bad, because I really can’t take the smoke inside. I really don’t know when the clubs in KL will implement free smoking zone just like Singapore and the rest of the other country. I guess club really bad for health in Malaysia, or at least, for me, now :( in other words, I can consider to quit it already!

 

This boring post can end now. Really boring till I wanna shove my head into toilet bowl or something. I need sun, ocean breeze and my banana smootie. I need vacation.

….and oh,

angbao

Happy BELATED Chinese New Year~!!! hahahahha. That is part of my collection for rabbit year. Yeap, I got the cutest ang bao packets in town!!! You have meh??????