Sunday, 28 November 2010

My November…

It’s a new year for me. Another full 12 months cycle and everything seems so different than last year. Im not talking about ageing – hell no, I invested so much on my beauty regime so let’s leave that topic alone. I visited a skin specialist clinic yesterday and they thought I am 25 until they saw my profile details in patient’s card. See?

I just threw a small, private birthday party for myself (aw, sounds pathetic). It was my 3rd birthday party in my entire life (lol) and the rest were always only me & my boyfriend. And now, I realized that being single means I have to work hard for my own happiness. I envy towards some other people whom their happiness just came rolling into their life just like rain during monsoon season.

BIRTHDAY 2010 057
One of my girlfriend asked me “so, who’s the sponsor behind this?”. I was startled for a moment. I didn’t expect to get that kind of question and I really don’t know how to react towards it. Being totally independent, paying my own bills made me forget that such question exists. Anyway, at least I still let someone sponsored me with something.. It was my birthday cake! It wasn’t cheap as it looks. It was from choffle’s cake studio & it costs him MYR350. How about that?
BIRTHDAY 2010 056
THANKS LEO!!!!
and oh.. I can’t put up many pics in here because most of the pictures looks like we were having lesbian party. Full of boobies groping & girls kissing each other. *sorry*
wishes.
I did have some wishes in my mind right before I blew those candles off. Besides wishing my current weight & look stay the way it is, forever or at least till Im 55 (believe me, those two keeps me happy though out the year) I do wishing that I will meet someone born in a year of Pig or Dog or Rabbit in year of 2011. I know, this wish is too early for someone has her relationship fell apart last august but, blame it on Feng Shui book that I happened to take a glance while looking for cloth hanger! Wtf..
2011


A lady told me that I should change my attitude & principle if I wanted to get a good man. She told me that I’m giving out a wrong 1st impression to strangers. She told me she did think that I’m a very wild, and I might give men a thought that I am for fun. She suggested that I ‘put up’ a decent act for the 1st few meetings and let the guy know the real me as time goes by. The hell what men think about me. If they can’t wait to judge me and if only ‘my decent act’ can grab their heart – that is their problem, not mine! Actually they are the one with a serious problem - Who asks them to have such limited assessment skills. And they are worthless to be with lah! Forgive me that I can’t act accordingly to other people’s expectations & pleasures. I do whatever that makes myself happy. I always put myself first than the others. I am self centered and arrogant bitch, because I, myself has to go to the ATM machine and withdraw my own money from my own bank account to buy my own food. Not them! If they do feed me, still, my thoughts & my principles are mine alone. It was not them who gave birth to me! And who is stupid enough to judge human according to their clothing, while everybody knows that, it’s a FASHION STATEMENT. NOT INDIVIDUAL’S MIND & SOUL LABEL.

She also told me that men love when a girl depending on them financially. It made them feel powerful bread maker. Who needs “feel powerful” man? Powerful isn’t just by feel, it’s how you manage to fulfill your responsibilities and make your girl happy in whatever you do. If I said I wanted to go to Paris just to have my croissant, Italy for the best penne parmigiana and the best fuck on Burj Al Arab Dubai’s bed, will it make him less powerful (or in this case – zero power) if he unable to give me that?

No, being financial independent woman doesn’t mean that I give a man or any men easy way to be my man. Here is the list of criteria if they wish to be my man;
1) He can’t fuck other girl. He must be 100% ready for monogamous relationship. Yes, I don’t like dick sharing
2) Know how to cook TASTY healthy food, especially grilled fish & lean chicken meat for me. So that I won’t grow sideways. I don’t cook. Unless I feel like to.
3) Must have same food tastes as mine.
4) He must not mess living room, bed room, kitchen and the rest part of the house because I WONT clean it.
5) He must scrub the toilet bowl, sink & floor because I wont do that too.
6) He must know how to look good, wear decent clothes which make me looks good too whenever we attending events or functions.
7) Bring me out for a romantic date, like real romantic Valentine’s like date at least once a month.
8) Must be funny. And lame joke is not counted.
9) He must like my favorite TV shows.
10) Good in bed. Go on for hours doesn’t mean that he is good. But he must be good in bed.
11) He must be by my side when Im sick. (and again, know how to cook a good soup)
12) He must love pets. All kind of pet with fur. (and again, he must clean the pet’s shit)
**note number 4 & 5 can be skipped if he willing to hire a maid. Maid by hours will do if he can’t afford to get in house maid.  
EASY? Yeah, you might have my contact number if you think you able to fulfill all 12.

Stop being judgmental people!

and oh, I have a picture of me in Baju Kurung. I had this when I went to my friend’s grandma house for Aidiladha @ Jelebu, Negeri Sembilan, a week before my birthday party. Den turun naik jambatan bosi ekau tau tak?
aidiladha 2010
Macam sopan kan?
AIDILADHA WITH LINDA & ELLA 004
We had the best lomang (ahahehehe) and Soto in the world! The lemang is the softest I ever had.. and  the soto.. I asked my girlfriend if she can cook it for me some other time with her family recipe.. she said.. “I’ll try”. Wheeeeee…
AIDILADHA WITH LINDA & ELLA 010

AIDILADHA WITH LINDA & ELLA 035
Title of this picture will be: Rumah nenek Linda..
AIDILADHA WITH LINDA & ELLA 079
Put up a decent act..
AIDILADHA WITH LINDA & ELLA 184
Well.. not for more than an hour.

AIDILADHA WITH LINDA & ELLA 176
I am me & Im happy for who I am! If you don’t like me, it must be you - are the one with serious problem! Ahahhahaha.

Adios! Pegi mampos.
lalalalalla.
smile



Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.  ~Margaret Young

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Saturday, 13 November 2010

Ex - Girlfriend.

What an audit week. A tormenting process just to get the financial record straight. It is a valuable but sickening experience with Price Water House (mind you, it’s Singapore PWC, not Malaysia). They drill your file cabinet, accounting system inside your computer as well as your brain, they extract everything inside out until nothing left. Not even a paper clip. (Okay, this is way too exaggerate) The process sent me to the clinic on the 3rd day of investigation, and they still have 01 week to go. Set me high & dry, on my birthday month. Perfecto.
 
And it has been close to 03 months after the break up, and I thought I would be lonely & all in hibernate mode. I was wrong. My weekends full of plans and my time fully occupied with girlfriends, until I almost do not have enough time to wash, blow dry & curl my hair. Not to mention ex-es too.. They suddenly popped back unbeknownst to me, leaving me feel all disgusted.
 
Honestly, I do not mind at all to befriend with my ex-es. It is the most honorable things to do, keep all the good memories & deeds we did for each other, take all the failure attempts to save the relationship as a lesson & be happy for each other’s new life (oh this one may take some time ya, because I tend to get mad after knowing they able to get a replacement sooner than I am, but still – it’s a healthy competition to guarantee that we can move on, real fast)
 
All of my ex-es are married, with kid(s) & I’m happy for them. I’m happy that they’re finally found their ultimate happiness - wake up at 4 to change the diapers, taking turn to fetch their kids at school, took an emergency leave just to take care of their kids when the wife had to go outstation, work extra hard to feed the whole family, less vacation and more savings for their child education, and they still enjoying fast food at the shopping mall because the wife too tired to cook!
 
Well, who am I to judge, it’s their happiness. But I can’t understand when they are messing with mine, asking my permission to come over to my house at night, like, really really late night – when they are in town or, their wife & kids not at home? Using funny excuse like “lets couch potatoes, watch TV with coffee, catch up updates & stories… bla blalalalalala” I mean really? At midnight? My other ex even funnier, called me out of sudden, asking my permission to stay over for a night before he drive back to his hometown, wife, his ultimate happiness. I asked him;

“So, where did you stay for the past few days while you are here?”


“Oh, I got my own house in here”

Are you fucking kidding me?
*disgusted*
 
I don’t know. The fuck with whatever reason is – meet up for old time sake or reminiscing a past love. I still called it CHEATING when you do stuff or about to do things that can make your spouse upset. Celebrate your “bachelor night” by chance with some other strangers maybe too common, but with your EX GIRLFRIEND? These guys seriously entitled to get their balls castrate.

I am sorry if I still look hot just the way you dated me 12, 6 years ago. Forgive me if I still manage to freeze my look just the way the first time you set your eyes on me. Excuse me if I am the same bubbly person and still good making you laugh at the top of your lungs just like before.
 
You had your chance to love me & care for me, and don’t tell me that I never gave you my best to keep our relationship alive. Your time has ended many years ago. It was you who made me walked away.
This isn’t cool anymore. Forget about Gwen Stefani’s “Cool”. I guess we aren’t cool anymore.
 
It’s going to kill me to see you with the next girl, cause I’m the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex – girl”
No Doubt – Ex Girlfriend






and yea, this song is specially dedicated for you.
 
 






Monday, 1 November 2010

X-Files

I know! I hardly put up any updates anymore! Ok, I must confess, I'm writing my thoughts, all my non sense feelings & updates SOMEWHERE else! I got A private reader! I don't know that the feeling of getting response from 01 single reader is more enjoyable than a few. No traffic, no advert clicking support, and of course the chance of getting famous is 0.00003 % but I am happy. I write everyday until I understand & know myself more by doing that. I know, this sounds very unfair, but at least, I confessed. Hehe.



There is one particular topic that I never shared with people. My relationship chronology. But after I read back what I wrote to my private reader, I guess I am finally ok with it. I know my history not very interesting to compare with others or you (whoever reading this now) but, since this is my blog, so I can COPY and PASTE (my own writings) or rewrite what ever I want in here without anybody's permission!



Since I am in totally vacant position, it made me think of what I’ve been through so far until here I am, still single. From bad temper bf to marrying a friend then a nice guy who turned into Edward Hyde. If people dont understand me, they would think I am a WHORE. Being in & out for about 5 relationships and yet never settled. But that's about it. I never sleep with other men/strangers in between, but I think Im no longer fit into a normal, decent category. yes?



People has their own listing & criteria in finding their soul mate. Good hearted, rich, handsome, and some even go for a bad boy for a thrill. I started with good hearted guy, during my university & I left him for a bad boy. And this bad boy is a hot temper type leave me black & blue so have to end it and be with the handsome one. He was an air steward & freelance TV commercial model but he keep making my heart stop beating every time I caught him flirting, flaunting himself into every girl! He's vain and I can't take it when he starting to share my facial wash & face cream ! He Keep pointing at my shoes didn't match my bag and my bag didn't match my skirt! Then Im married to a friend, a rich guy who made me gave up of who I am, in the end I found myself under appreciated. Im enough with Malay guys, so I find myself a Chinese guy. He's loving & kind hearted, even he did not make much earning, dont know how to cook but Im really happy. It just.. he's younger!



2 years ago, I brought up the issue of the age gap,race, etc etc he said he dont mind at all. But after I truly believed love has no exception, he dumped me and AGE was the reason! Maybe he out of excuse to dump me, but by looking at his new choice, which is younger & Chinese, I felt cheated!


So I was thinking… which type of men I haven’t try my luck yet? Did I tell you that one of my Ex is ugly, fat, short & dark? Yes, been with, through that too! My private reader replies me ;


You just haven't found somebody to live up to your standards yet. Even if the standard seems easy to achieve”


I mean why? Why my ‘easy standard’ became so complicated to achieve? Or.. maybe it is me! Something wrong with me!? Heartbroken people keep saying there is no such thing as “true love”, I nodded and partly accepted it. But the other part of me.. still want to believe its existence.



It is an X-Files which can never be solved or explained. I should stop dating human & find alien instead. MARS, here I come.

x-files
Mulder: We've both lost so much... but I believe that what we're looking for is in the X-Files. I'm more certain than ever that the truth is in there.
Scully: I've heard the truth, Mulder. Now what I want are the answers.


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